We’re at my grandparents house picking up after dinner. My dad stands up and starts huffing and exhaling really loud and I’m like, “What’s wrong?” He glares at me and flicks me in the head really hard for no reason at all. It like seriously hurt. So I instinctively hit him back in his huge belly.
My overweight, lazy, uneducated uncle begins to tell me that I need to respect my dad and all sorts of shit. Ummmm it’s not his fucking business. Then he goes on to tell me that I’m a snob and I think I’m “hot shit because I’m an Aggie.” UMM WHAT’S THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THIS. So I’m like, “Have I ever said that?” and he straight up mocks me, in my face, in this high pitched girly tone. Like how mature are you, you forty year old fuck.
I walked in the bathroom and started crying because it really hurts my feelings that he said that and that no one else stuck up for me.
So then later my grandma was saying that he’s taking my cousin to a go cart track and tells me that I can go if I want and so I bring up what he said and I tell my mom and grandma that he hurt my feelings as my mom basically tells me that she doesn’t care and that I need to stop complaining and holding a grudge.
So then I walk into the other room and walk back in real fast and my sister is whispering about me, so I was like, “What were you saying?” And she tells me, “I was saying that you hold grudges and that’s why you have a hard time keeping friends.”
I’m literally trying not to cry writing this because it bugs me so much that my uncle can talk to me like that for no reason and then no one defends me or cares that it hurts my feelings.
So maybe I’m being too sensitive but I’m still just hurt. I knew my uncle was a “Longhorn” (Aka wears the tshirts and likes to watch them play football but never went to school there) but I didn’t know he disliked me so much because I’m an Aggie. LOL.
So maybe I am an Aggie snob but he’s literally a stupid, uneducated asshole.
The fact that my mom lets my sister act like a little cunt is so annoying. Natalie is driving my car home from Grandma’s, Mom is shotgun, leaving me in the backseat. I’ve been reading The Perks Of Being a Wallflower for a few days, am on the epilogue and ask if they mind turning down the radio (because its blaring and they are screaming over it) and my sister calls me a nerd for reading the book so fast and leaves the volume where it is. My mom doesn’t bother to correct her.
I didn’t realize the protagonist had been molested until the end of the story. It’s left me feeling empty.
There’s something so peaceful about being snuggled up on the couch next to my roommate watching Grey’s Anatomy. Like I feel like I’m finally comfortable after weeks of depressed feelings and unsure emotions. Maybe going to class for the first time in half a month was the cause of it, maybe it was something about today..
This blog has been up and running since my first day of school my freshman year. It’s been two years now that it’s been here. It’s grown with me, it’s learned with me, it’s documented my mistakes and trials and tribulations. It’s seen regret, it’s seen pain, and it’s seen happiness.
I’ve neglected it lately, just as I have been neglecting myself. I’ve left my body run down, my emotions run down, my grades and my connection with my family and friends. On the outside I’ve felt so happy, but, these past two weeks, it’s like I haven’t been inside my own body.
I want to change though. I started today and I’m working on becoming the old me again. I don’t want to coast through my college years without making memories and cherishing the times I’ve had. Skipping class to sleep every single day all day isn’t doing anything for me but hurt me. I want to live again. I want my blog to live again. It’s time for me to wake up and be alive.
Why you wanna show up in an old t-shirt that I love?
Why you gotta say I’m looking good?
Don’t know what you were thinking, you were doing, coming in for a hug, like you don’t know I’m coming undone.
Why you wanna, why you gotta, make me keep wanting you?
This weather is like college guys, ridiculously hot and you never know when it’s coming.
Hung out with TT last night. I feel like I should feel bad but I doooon’t. Oh well.
theplanetforce asked: Ay Liz, how ya doin'? You are the woman that I'm really pursuin', and I would like to get to know ya.
Hi darling. How have you been? I’ve been thinking bout ya lately.
We’ll make love while the Xx’s play in the background in my childhood bedroom. You’ll laugh at all the Disney movies lining my bookshelves but call them cute. Your toes will find their way around my blue seashell anklet and you’ll kiss the scissor scars on my thighs that you’ve always hated. Then you’ll brush back my hair and spew apologies for leaving me for that terrible girl but I already forgave you and so it’ll be okay. You’ll kiss me and promise never to leave and we’ll just cuddle and listen to music forever.